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Corrected essay November 16, 2006

Posted by Steve in Essays.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The writing:

Children are the future of each family in each country on the world, so education for children is so important. There are many ways that have been given to teach children and there are two main ideas which have been being discussed: A sense of competition in children should be encouraged or children should be taught to co-operate?
Children are the future of every family in all countries across the world and so education for them is an important part of life. There are many ways that have been discussed to teach children and the two methods in this essay are the following: A sense of competition in children should be encouraged or children should be taught to co-operate.

First, we say about the children who are always encouraged the sense of competition, they are so self-confident. The children, who want to do and learn as well as another even better than another, must be practiced a lot and regularly. They are too assiduous, self-aware, thinking independently, always improve and update knowledge and new information. That is very good for learning of children and the children always believe in themselves. However, if the competition becomes heated, some problems will appear. The child who usually has a sense of competition will lose its friend and they will become the competitors of the child. Step by step, the child becomes lonely, nervously, may be self-fish and arrogant.
Firstly, we could say that children who are encouraged to compete usually show great self-confidence. These children need to be challenged often. They are assiduous, self-aware, independent thinkers and always seek ways to improve their knowledge. However some of the drawbacks from this approach could be that these children compete too strongly against friends and perhaps isolate themselves socially by doing this. This isolation could lead to loneliness, selfishness, and also arrogance.

Second, the children who are taught to co-operate are so pleasant. They learn and work together, always help each other to improve knowledge. Difference the children who learn in the competition and motivate by result, the motivation of the children who co-operate in learning are passions. Working together help them get much more of effect, make more friend and easy in communicating. But if they have not high self-aware of senses, they will rely to others and lazy in thinking.

When looking at the co-operative approach it is hard to deny that the children are in general more pleasant. The method encourages teamwork and peer learning. The main difference between a competitive approach and a co-operative approach is that they are motivated by different factors. In the competitive area the motivation is results based whereas in the co-operative one the motivation is passion. The benefits of the latter are better communication skills and this in turn leads to better and stronger friendships. Still the major problem with this method might be that the children rely too much on their friends which could add to laziness.
In summary, the children who are encouraged by a sense competition or taught to co-operate are both important and necessary. But in my opinion, I think the child should be encouraged to co-operate because it brings the comfortable to the children and the learning has still effect.

In summary, children who are encouraged by a sense of competition or co-operation, both have obvious advantages. In my opinion I think that children should be encouraged to co-operate because it adds comfort and less stress to the learning process. And less stress in learning might see the greatest benefits.



1. Duc - November 17, 2006

Thank you so much for this Steve.

It really helps to see an essay before and after correction. The students here at VNU really miss you and we hope to see you lecturing on campus soon again.

It is a shame (is that correct?) that students are not making use of this site. At least you have tried Steve and for that I personally am very happy about.


2. Lai Cam Linh - November 20, 2006

I think students are unfamiliar with using this website or they are not self-confident enough to comment in English. So, they didn’t write anything. Perhaps I type wrong, but Steve or other students correct it for me, I will not do the same mistakes again. And I learn from my mistakes thus I don’t mind to make mistakes.

Hope all of you have a successful week and enjoy your time! πŸ™‚

And also comment more! πŸ˜‰

3. Huong Linh - December 2, 2006

wow, that’s great way to learn writing English! hehe i’ll post my essay someday! Hix have never really written an essay before!!!

4. Billy Mak - December 28, 2006

This site is really very useful!!! I regret that I discovered this site so late!!!

But I wonder how I might post my essay here. I am planning to do IELTS soon but I am still weak in writing essays because I don’t have any people to correct the essays for me and therefore can’t learn from my mistakes.

I hope someone can correct the essays for me pls!!!

5. Steve - December 28, 2006

Why not sign up here and then post your essay? Please note the site will has now moved to http://ielts-austil.blogspot.com

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